KISS ME, I'M IRISH

I always thought of St. Patrick as the Christian version of the Greek's Bacchus, God of wine and intoxication, but instead of laying around drinking wine all day in a toga, St. Patrick had a pint of Guinness and a shot of Jameson in hand, dressed in a green skirt looking for the next pub brawl. Well, like most visions I have of history, I usually come to find out that i'm pretty off the mark, this vision included.

In short, St. Patrick was born in Britain, captured by Irish raiders, taken as a slave to Ireland, escaped, entered the church, became a deacon, then a bishop, to only return to Ireland as a Christian missionary. Interestingly, it is believed that he used the shamrock, aka the 3-leaf clover, to explain the holy trinity. I'm not really sure how the two relate but he must have made an appealling argument because he was a CCM, Christian Converting Machine. St. Patrick was also believed to have banished all snakes from Ireland, that not being too difficult since there were never any there to begin with, but good job nonetheless.

So while you are out there wearing green, drunk, puking in alleyways, and making fun of all those men wearing skirts, just remember St. Patrick's day has nothing to do with any of that. In fact, St. Patrick's color was blue not green, and kilts are Scottish not Irish, you drunkard. FORE SHAME.

WHO WILL WIN???

YOU DECIDE!!!