Wednesday, March 19, 2008


Dentists have been around torturing patients since as early as 5500 BC. Back then though, they blamed the problems of teeth on "tooth worms," not cavities. The popular and sometimes only solution for these "worms" throughout history has been extraction and since dentistry wasn't a real profession until the 19th Century (some might say it is still not) people would go to their barber for a quick pull and then maybe a trim around the ears. But thanks to toothpaste many teeth have been saved, but on the other hand the early Romans used human urine in their toothpaste. So maybe when you're in Rome you don't have to do everything that the Romans do, cause some of it is just nasty.

I only bring this up because I went to the dentist yesterday for a cleaning. He noted that my wisdom teeth had fully grown in and surprisingly without problem. That must mean that on the evolutionary scale, I probably fall somewhere closer to the Cro-Magnon man than most my age. I guess I have that big jaw that helped Fred Flintstone eat all those Apotosaurus Burgers. (note: the Brontosaurus is fictitious but then again so is Fred Flinstone.)

While I was laying there in the dentist chair, having my routine cleaning, I realized that this must feel a lot like waterboarding. Not only am I forced into an uncomfortable chair, reclined with mouth wide open, but I have a drill-like supersonic cleaner scraping against my gums spraying water down my throat choking me. And worst of all, I have to look straight into the eyes of the mad man himself while he approaches with the SCRAPER. I'm sure dentists have grown to ignore this fearful look in their patient's eyes, but I guess they would have to when their profession has the highest suicide rate. (This is actually just a myth, all professions are equally worth killing yourself over.)


AB said...

Heres a little something to think about while you feel sorry for all the dentists in their deep depressions and dropping like flies from suicide (even if not true most believe it). Its a wonder they can keep a roof over their heads.

From the ADA:

What is a dentist's average net income?

The average net income for an independent private practitioner who owned all or part of his or her practice in 2004 was $185,940 for a general practitioner and $315,160 for a specialist.

Sue said...

That has got to be my song. I've been to the dentist more times than I can count and have always hated it. The comparison to
wb-ing is perfect.

Sue said...

did you see the apparatus that Willy Wonka's dad dentist made him wear?

eagle said...

that would have been great for an image...i completely forgot about that reference...i can't seem to find a picture of it online

Toronto Dentist :) said...

Another anti-dentite!

I've been blogging about Why People Hate Dentists. Your post falls into the comedic rant category.

Here's a link -