Saturday, January 24, 2009


In the beginning there was Kansas, a state that we all know has nothing going for it besides the Wizard of Oz and the occasional tumbleweed. Oh and let's not forget about their religious fanaticism. But in 2005, out of nothingness came the great noodly appendaged god...the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Now Kansas is one of fifteen privileged states that falls inside the bible belt. So it may not surprise you that in 2005 there were still people fighting for the schools to teach creationism as science. But this was proving to be difficult since the Supreme Court ruled in 1987 that the church and state go together like water and oil. They just don't mix.

But instead of giving up, what the religious PR reps did was repackaged creationism and started selling it as intelligent design, the ASSERTION that "certain features of the universe and of living things are best explained by an intelligent cause, not an undirected process such as natural selection. (I always did find Darwin to be a little bit slow...and Mendel was practically inbred.)

With this new look to creationism the Kansas State Board of Education decided to require the teaching of intelligent design as an alternative to biological evolution. I mean who can resist a book with a panda eating bamboo on the cover.

But with the threat of church and state being once again stirred together, Bobby Henderson, a concerned American citizen, rose from ambiguity to reveal to the world that there is another theory that will answer all of our life long questions. The answer was within a box of was the FSM.

Since the intelligent design movement used ambiguous references to an unspecified 'Intelligent Designer', this left open the possibility that any imaginable thing could fill that role. And fill that role the FSM did.

Followers of this new religion were Pastafarians. Their saints were pirates, their major holiday is called "Holiday," and their heaven consists of beer volcanoes and a stripper factory. (Hell is similar but the beer is stale and the strippers have STDs) Some might say they are poking fun at Christianity with their "Eight I'd Really Rather You Didn't"s instead of the Ten Commandments and concluding their prayers with "RAmen". But I think it is all just a big coincidence. Either way if I can find room on my calendar for Festivus than I can find room for Holiday.

But I digress I think it is best to let Bobby Henderson tell you what the Flying Spaghetti Monster is all about. In fact you should have read that link instead of wasting your time here. I apologize.