THE EAGLE VIEW

MISMANAGED HEALTH CARE IN AMERICA: PART 1

2010-03-22T09:23:00.000-07:00

It is a common misconception that it is the failure of the free market that has left millions of people without proper medical care, when in fact, it is the free market that would deliver the best care at the lowest cost without infringing on anyone's natural rights. The failed system we have in place now is a result of constant government intervention and its manipulation of the market. But before explaining the free market solution, I think it is important to understand the true role the government has played in mismanaging American health care.

The birth of "modern medicine" began in the late 19th century with the introduction of allopathic care, which relied heavily on surgical procedures and the use of medication. This differed greatly from the popular homeopathic care of the time that used natural remedies that were in abundance and available at low cost. At that time, health costs were kept low because both forms of medicine competed against one another on the open market and many doctors were allowed to enter the medical field.

The American Medical Association, which was given the power by the government to give out doctor licenses, knew that with more doctors entering the profession the average salary for a doctor would decrease. In order to increase doctor salaries they needed to limit the number of doctors able to practice. The AMA looked to take advantage of their government induced monopoly on the practice of medicine, and with the financial help of John D Rockefeller, who saw the potential profit that could be earned with allopathic care, financed the Flexner Report.

The Flexner Report called on American medical schools to enact higher admission and graduation standards in the name of the "greater good" but actually began the cartelization of the American medical profession...a cartelization enforced by the American Medical Association and backed by the police power of each American state.

As a result of the report:

Tuition for medical school was raised to the point that only upper-class white males could attend.
Half of all medical schools were closed, which included medical schools that trained doctors willing to charge patients less, or that adjusted their fees based on what patients could afford.
The number of applicants accepted to medical schools was cut in half.
Homeopathic care, the cheapest form of treatment, was dismissed as quackery and was not allowed to be taught in medical schools.

With less competition in the medical industry, the remaining doctors began charging more than most individuals could easily pay. To make matters worse, the Great Depression, which was caused by the failure of the government's central banking system, drove people into worse poverty and left them unable to afford medical care.

As a result, Blue Cross, a nonprofit health insurer, was established and insured everyone regardless of age, sex or pre-existing conditions. They were only able to do this though because of governmental tax credits, which later influenced other insurers to enter the market. But by offering low premiums, brought on by these tax credits, the government manipulated the market, creating a surplus in demand that would not have initially been there. The rise in consumption led to a scarcity in resources, which inevitably led to higher premiums and a reduction of coverage.

By the 1940s World War 2 was in full swing and the United States government took control over the economy and implemented wartime wage controls. Since businesses were no longer allowed to give raises, they began to compete for labor by offering health insurance plans. Like the insurance companies, government began subsidizing these company plans with tax breaks. With medical costs rising due to higher premiums from insurance companies, people relied on employment to afford healthcare. As a result, the pairing of health insurance and employment was born. Since large companies tend to employ significantly more young people than old people, the elderly were left uninsured and unable to pay their medical bills. The result was that people who really needed health care had an increasingly difficult time affording it.

People mistakenly did not see this as a problem caused by government intervention but as a failure of the free market. A progressive movement began to form, and looked to Congress to implement a system of socialized medicine for the elderly and the poor. By 1965 Congress created Medicare and Medicaid and overnight millions of Americans lost all financial responsibility for their health-care decisions.

Congress placed no restrictions on benefits and removed all sense of cost-consciousness. While the poor and the elderly were receiving "free" care, they were creating shortages in doctors and supplies causing the cost of health insurance for the rest of America to skyrocket. Within 6 years the nation's health-care bill nearly doubled in cost. To curb some of the cost Congress began to restrict reimbursements to physicians and offered fixed prepayments to hospitals, nursing homes and home health agencies, no matter what costs they incurred. Congress had initiated managed care.

Despite these efforts, the cost continued to rise, outraging Americans who now began to demand socialized health care for all. Why should some get a free ride while others suffer? But the American government was going broke under the current system. So instead of acting responsibly and opening up healthcare to the free market, Congress opted instead for deception and created HMOs. (Once again most people blame the free market for the creation of HMOs when it was actually the government that implemented them.)

The government's long range plan was to take the responsibility of health care off of them and put it into the hands of corporations. But since medical care for the elderly is so expensive, Congress had to make sure that there were enough young healthy people in the HMO system to offset the cost of the elder's medical bills. Through a system of tax credits and subsidies to HMOs, they were able to capture a significant portion of the private insurance market. Once Medicare and Medicaid recipients were herded into HMOs, the organizations would have the flexibility to pool their resources, redistribute private premium dollars, and ration care across their patient populations.

Which leads us to today where corporations now second guess a doctor's treatment so they can refuse medical care, increase profits, and drive a permanent wedge between the doctor and the patient. This is not freedom, this is corporatism placed into power by governmental authority. But even with over 100 years of mismanaged care, people still look to the government as the solution not the problem.

THE CENSUS REPORT

2010-03-18T13:39:00.000-07:00

Before you go and fill out that Census Report the government is dying for you to return, consider this:

"The U.S. Constitution empowers Congress to provide for a census in order to apportion Representatives correctly. The Constitution does not empower Congress to use a census for any other purpose. There is no need for Congress to collect additional information such as names, races, ages, sexes, or home ownership status. Unfortunately, the federal government wants to use the additional information to fine tune its control over the lives and money of the American people.

The 2010 census is expected to cost over $14 billion. A recent report from the Inspector General of the Department of Commerce indicates that preparations for the 2010 census have already been filled with waste and bloat, not to mention the countless advertisements and vans that will be driving around promoting the census. A proper census, limited to just a headcount, would be far less expensive.

Although by law the Census Bureau promises that they will keep everything confidential, they have continually broken that promise in the past.

1. The Census Bureau handed over lists of names and addresses so the federal government could search for draft resisters.
2. During World War II, the Census Bureau told the Justice Department which neighborhoods had high concentrations of Japanese-Americans. The federal government then used that information to find Japanese-Americans and imprison them in concentration camps.
3. In 2002 and 2003, the Census Bureau turned over information it had collected about Arab-Americans to Homeland Security by the powers of the Patriot Act, that now has been extended by the Obama administration.

As Congressman Ron Paul recently said, 'If the federal government really wants to increase compliance with the census, it should abide by the Constitution and limit its inquiry to one simple question: How many people live here?'"

So when you go to fill out your Census Report, just fill out the number of people in your house and be done with it. There is absolutely no reason for the government to spend your tax dollars to collect any other information. If any other information is valuable the free market can and will supply it.

FEAR THE BOOM AND BUST

2010-01-28T13:10:00.000-08:00

A Hayek vs. Keynes Rap

THE PATH TO SOCIALISM

2010-01-23T10:38:00.000-08:00

The argument for collectivism and government intervention is simple. If something is wrong pass a law. If someone is in trouble get someone to help them out.

The argument for a free society is not as simple. It says that if you allow people to cooperate voluntarily and don't interfere with them...indirectly, through the operation of the market, they will improve matters more than you can improve it by directly appointing someone.

That is a subtle argument and extremely difficult to understand. But what makes matters worse, is that if you do argue for a free society, you are perceived as arguing for selfishness and greed. But this, of course, assumes that government is somehow a way to put unselfish and ungreedy men in charge of all of those that are selfish and greedy. When in reality, government is an institution where the people that have the greatest drive to have power over their fellow man get in the position of controlling them.

The maintenance of a free society requires a willingness to put up with temporary evils, and an understanding that if you do try to do something about them through the direct hand of government, it will not only make matters worse, but you will spread your tentacles elsewhere. It is difficult to understand this and that is why a movement towards collectivism and more government control has been the natural state of mankind for thousands of years. If you take a broad view of history, you can not find a time period in which the greater part of the human race was not living in a condition of tyranny and misery.

It is a natural human tendency that we look to pass laws limiting freedom because it is also a natural human tendency to take for granted the good things that have happened and focus on the bad. But there is no period in human history when the ordinary man had as great of an improvement on his modern life as in the late 19th and early 20th century in the United Sates, when government was of trivial importance. It is at this point in time that charitable contributions to society were at their all time highest. Nonprofit charities, schools, universities, and hospitals emerged and the standard of living, wage rates and job opportunities all increased. This was not the act of government, this was a result of the invisible hand of a free society.

The world runs on individuals pursuing their separate interests. The great achievements of civilizations did not come from government bureaus. Henry Ford and Albert Einstein did not revolutionize their industries under federal bureaucracy. The only cases in recorded history where the masses have escaped from grinding poverty are where they have had capitalism and largely free trade, and they are worse off where they depart from that.

History is crystal clear. There is no alternative way that has been discovered, so far, in improving the lot of the ordinary people that could hold a candle to the productive activities that are unleashed by a free enterprise system.

GEORGE MARSHALL HATES HAITI

2010-01-18T15:02:00.000-08:00

The earthquake in Haiti is a truly tragic event. Thankfully free enterprise charities, like Doctors Without Borders and the Red Cross have received millions of dollars to give the people of Haiti the immediate medical relief that they need. Even Farmville is doing its part!

But this really shouldn't be a surprise to anyone. Private charitable agencies have historically shown themselves to have a greater degree of flexibility, creativity, and adaptability to handle these types of emergencies than governments. Let us not forget the great power of the free market as Wal*mart created jobs and relief tents in New Orleans while FEMA sat idly by training firefighters in the fine art of sexual harassment.

TO DONATE MONEY TEXT "HAITI" TO 90999.

Sadly, Haiti was a failed impoverished state before the earthquake, and is almost certainly going to remain a failed state after...that is without major economic reform and, of course, an elimination of governmental aid.

1. GEORGE MARSHALL HATES LOGIC

The popularity of foreign aid began with the Marshall Plan, a United States foreign aid program that has been mistakenly credited for jump starting the Western European economy after Dubya Dubya 2.

Just because A occurs before B, does not mean that B is a result of A.
A=the Marshall Plan B=Economic Prosperity

Some simple truths:

Austria and Greece received a lot of Marshall aid but their recovery only started as the Marshall Plan was being phased out.
France, West Germany and Italy began economic recovery before the Marshall Plan.
West Germany, even though having to pay reparations...again, surpassed Britain in recovery even though they received half the amount of aid. In fact Germany's recovery was so amazing that it is considered one of the greatest economic miracles of the 20th century.

So if not the Marshall Plan, then what?

Simple...it was a return to free market economies. During the war, there were tremendous economic controls and with the end of the war, eventually came an end to these policies. The miracle worker himself, German economic minister Ludwig Erhard explains it best:

"We decided upon and reintroduced the old rules of a free economy, the rules of laissez-faire. We abolished practically all controls over allocations, prices, and wages."

2. GEORGE MARSHALL HATES THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES

The government usually doesn't like to take a back seat to anyone, especially some liberty cabbage eating German, so it is not surprising that people were soon convinced that A most certainly always causes B, and the sites were set to implement this "truth" onto the Third World.

By the end of the Cold War, over 2 trillion dollars (inflation adjusted) had been given to Third World countries. With only a handful of countries ever graduating from their dependence on foreign aid, the US Agency for International Development, the Clinton administration and the World Bank conceded that aid recipients are economically worse off today than they were 20 years ago.

Egypt received billions of dollars in economic aid while the percentage of people in extreme poverty remained unchanged. The people of Zambia have seen their income almost cut in half, even after 6 billion dollars of foreign aid. In a study of 97 countries receiving aid for a twenty year period, there was no correlation between aid and poverty reduction, and no evidence was found to suggest that aid increased life expectancy or an increase in school enrollment. If we assume the Marshall Plan was a good thing Africa has received the equivalent of 5 Marshall Plans and the results are obvious enough.

But the question is why is this system so ineffective? Isn't free money and food a great thing?

The truth is is that governments don't have to pass a profit and loss test.

Money:
Governments allocate money to economically dubious projects, vanity projects, and military buildups. Corruption becomes rampant, causing free market investors to hold off investing in any business and as a result poverty endures.

Free Food:

Drives local farmers out of business that can't compete against a price of zero,
Is used by the government to build support for their regime by distributing it to people with political gain.
Is sold by the government on local markets, who uses its money to build up their military.

Of the 20 worst dictators in power, the US has contributed aid to all but one of them. Sorry Saudi Arabia, I guess you have enough money.

But no matter how honest the country, there are always competing groups within that are looking for political power. When we throw free money into the mix people are at each others throats to get a portion of it. The results have led to violence, expulsions and massacres. (Burundi, Cambodia, Ethiopia, Indonesia, Iraq, Nigeria, Pakistan, Tanzania, Uganda, Vietnam and Zaire to name a few)

3. GEORGE MARSHALL HATES PROSPERITY

If infusions of capital are necessary for economic prosperity then how did the first countries manage to do it?

Like Haiti, Hong Kong has hardly any natural resources besides a large harbor, but because their government implemented a free market system, with no licenses, no permits and no red tape, they were able to create a thriving economy where wage rates have gone up four fold.

But governments will only pursue economic reforms when they are feeling economic pressures. Such is the case in South Korea, Taiwan and Chili who after being cut off of aid finally embraced the free market and prospered.

Haiti is capable of prosperity, but Haiti's corrupt, tyrannical and socialist regimes over the years, supported by United States aid, have not allowed the free market to flourish. Yes, if we do cut off economic aid there will be tragedy, but nothing worse than the generations of hardships and suffering that the people will endure if we continue this foreign policy.

WARNING: George Marshall's views have not been accurately portrayed in this blog. Sorry General.

OPERATION BITTERSWEET

2010-01-10T13:32:00.001-08:00

"Some people win the lottery; other people grow sugar."

With government intervention and handouts at their highest in years, it is no wonder that the American business industry has adopted the belief that they should use big government at the population's expense. As a result, in the name of defending American businesses, the government subsidizes well connected industries through tariffs and import quotas on foreign goods. But while this may seem noble, it is in fact destroying the American economy. Even when we look at smaller industries, such as the sugar cane industry, where there are roughly 10,000 sugar farmers in America, we can see how government intervention has lowered the standard of living in the United States.

In most cases, FDR's New Deal marks the beginning of big government intervention into the free market system. Sugar subsidies, of course, fall into this category and have lasted through even the most "conservative" presidencies. After a brief time of relaxed government intervention in the late seventies, it was Ronald Reagan who reinstated sugar import quotas creating an artificial shortage of sugar. These quotas allow domestic sugar growers to raise their prices due to the lack of competition in the market.

As a result, compared to international sugar prices, Congress has put American sugar prices on a level with the Goodyear blimp floating high above Yankee Stadium, adding $3 billion dollars to consumer's food bills per year.

But while sugar farmers reap the benefits, businesses that use sugar are hemorrhaging money. Some American businesses, such as Coke and Pepsi, abandoned using sugar and replaced it with high fructose corn syrup. The quota program drove sugar prices so high that it wreaked havoc on the market for sugar.

Domestic candy companies now found it almost impossible to compete with foreign prices and as a result began relocating their factories to foreign countries. Also, the high price of sugar has driven up the price of domestic farmland causing difficulty for unsubsidized farmers to find affordable land. In total the high price of sugar has destroyed almost 9,000 U.S. jobs in food manufacturing alone. In total, American jobs lost exceed the number of American sugar farmers.

Not only are these trade reductions hurting the wallets of Americans but they are also hurting the economic prosperity of foreign nations. To help Third World countries, like the Philippines, hurt by these embargoes, President Reagan created a new foreign-aid program to give them free food but in turn making it more difficult for local farmers to replace sugar with other crops. As an example, lets say the U.S. sends them free wheat. By flooding foreign markets with free "wheat," the U.S. inadvertently destroys the local Philippine "wheat" farmers' hope for competing in the market and eventually driving them out of business.

Other more profitable countries retaliated against the United States by reducing their purchase of American goods. Brazil reduced the amount of American grain they purchase and the Dominican Republic, former sugar growers, are now producing their own wheat and corn, providing more competition for American farmers.

These subsidies also have negative environmental effects, encouraging sugar production in fragile areas such as the Everglades. But instead of ending these subsidies, Congress voted to spend millions of tax payer dollars to clean up the Everglades and buy back sugar cane fields from farmers. This, of course, reducing the amount of sugar available to the consumer, which then again raises the price even further.

So, how are sugar farmers able to take such advantage of the American population through government interference? The answer is that the benefits are concentrated while the costs are dispersed. While the small sugar industry collects more than $3 billion dollars a year from these benefits, it only costs each individual American roughly $50 a year. An amount so small that it is not worth the time, money, and energy to battle both the Sugar Cane and Corn Syrup Lobby. (Let us not forget that the High Fructose Corn Syrup industry has benefited substantially from being able to raise their prices due to an increase in demand for HFCS.)

Multiply this modest example by about a million, to account for all of the other countless predatory schemes taking place, and the American citizen is being taken for thousands of dollars a year. Money, which I might add, that could have gone into a countless number of other industries and inventions to improve our standard of living.

It is important that we understand that free trade is extremely important to a healthy economy. Contact your representatives and make sure they understand the adverse effects of government intervention. If we don't act fast the only place unsubsidized farmers will be able to farm is on Farmville!

THE HISTORY OF THE MAWWAGE LICENSE

2009-10-28T16:42:00.000-07:00

I have my friend's wedding to go to this weekend and everybody knows what that means...OPEN BAR! But before the festivities begin we must endure the nuptials brought to you by your local town government. As we all know it isn't a marriage without the perfect combination of love and state regulation. And just think less than a century ago it was only love...how unromantic.

For most of Western history, marriage was a private contract between two families. Sure sometimes some land or livestock would be worked into the deal, but the government never got involved. Churches would take the word of the couple if they claimed to have exchanged vows, and signatures and blood tests were not required. Even up until the mid-19th century, US state supreme courts routinely ruled that public cohabitation was sufficient evidence of a valid marriage.

But as we entered the 20th century, government began to be more intrusive into our personal lives. They knew what was best for Americans...and since government regulation is nothing but fair and just, they began to exert more control over who was allowed to marry. By the 1920s, 38 states prohibited whites from interracial marriage and twelve states would not issue a marriage license if one partner was a drunk, an addict, had a social disease, or was a "mental defect."

The marriage laws and license requirements of many states originated from the ideas of eugenics. Such ideas had the support of scientists like Linus Pauling, who advocated that people with genetic defects be denied marriage licenses. He even went so far as to recommend that people with sickle cell anemia have their foreheads stamped to identify their condition so that no one would mate with them, thus eradicating the disease. As it became clear that the science of eugenics was highly suspect, often racist, and completely insane, the laws and restrictions were relaxed.

But the damage had been done. Instead of repealing the marriage license law, the government changed the laws purpose and used it to distribute benefits to marriages they deemed worthy. (In our case, these were only marriages between one man and one woman.) Corporations and employers were now able to hide behind these laws and deny health insurance or pension benefits to employees' dependents. Courts and hospitals now required a marriage license before granting couples the privilege of inheriting from each other or receiving medical information, no matter how long the couple had been together. And worst of all, Social Security savings would now disappear into government pockets if there was not a legal surviving spouse to inherit them. Goldie Hawn better hope and pray the money from Sky High will be able to support her when Kurt Russell is gone.

By allowing the state to exercise control over marriage, it is implied that we do not have a right to marry...marriage is only a privilege. And as recently as 2009, the power to license was still being used in attempts to block interracial marriages. Somehow only the government repeatedly gets away with this kind of blatant discrimination, and is never questioned about the laws original intent. Corporations, on the other hand, have begun to allow non-married partners to receive benefits, with proof of a joint bank account and residency. The government is usually decades behind the private sector, still not even allowing openly gay people into the military.

But if consenting adults wish to call themselves married let them, but no one has the right, especially the government, to impose their views onto someone else. We need to promote individualism and freedom. We need to take away the government's power to divide us. But most importantly, we need to make sure that the government upholds and enforces private legal contracts. Contracts granting partners rights that are so easily denied by this law. Non-marital relationship contracts are not limited to two people, and because these contracts are private any number of people can be a party to them, no matter their race, religion or sexual preference.

By only expanding the definition of marriage under government regulation, we are only expanding a broken and unfair welfare system. Government benefits, especially those that involve money, only pits citizens against one another. Government cleverly uses this to keep us divided so we are left in an endless debate over natural rights at the tax payer's expense, instead of debating about sound monetary and foreign policy.

AND WHAT HAVE THE ROMANS EVER GIVEN US?

2009-10-22T11:28:00.000-07:00

“What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.”

From the people who brought you such great hits as the aqueduct, roads, and the public bath (woohoo), came one other lesser known hit…out of control government spending!

Rome, a once modest village that rose to rule over 120 million people and stretch across 2.5 million square miles, was brought to its knees by out of control spending, heavy taxation, and, of course, inflation.

Inflation started rising early in the Roman Empire, but the steady influx of gold from newly conquered lands kept government spending afloat. They were able to build extravagant buildings of pure marble, have a vast standing army of 500,000, and afford huge salaries for their bureaucrats. Let us also not forget that there was the price of keeping the citizens happy and distracted with ridiculous events and poorly computer animated fights between Russell Crowe and tigers.

Come on! So lame!

Eventually the Roman Empire expanded their territory all the way into the Persian Gulf (modern day Iran and Iraq). But those lousy Persians wanted their land back and kept attacking poor Rome for it. Rome even struggled with invasions from northern barbaric Huns. So even though Rome was not expanding, it had to maintain its very large and very expensive army. But without more gold coming into the system, the Romans did what any self-respecting empire would do…tax the hell out of the population. (And by population I mean, everyone but the army and the civil servants.)

Rome had always had a tax but at first it was very minimal. As the costs of maintaining the Imperial army grew, so did the tax burden. Heavy taxes led people to flee their land, evade taxes, lose their homes, and lose their jobs.

Tax revenue started to fall dramatically, so instead of cutting back, Rome manufactured more money and inflated their currency. Their coin, the Denarius, which at one point in the early times of the empire was 90% percent silver, fell to .5% in two centuries. Prices rose dramatically, and in some cases more than 15,000 percent. When price controls were implemented a greater recession followed.

The result was that the government, in order to protect its civil servants and its soldiers from the effects of inflation, began to demand payment of taxes in services rather than in “silver” coin from the working class. (Nothing like a little slavery to bring the empire together.) Roman coin had become so worthless that the government that printed it wouldn’t even accept it as payment.

With the mass of the population of Rome now suffering, and the economy failing, barbarian invasion was a blessing…and an easy victory for the Huns was inevitable. Well done!

Thankfully, today we live in a country that spends within its means, does not have extravagant social programs, does not get entangled in nation building (especially in the Persian Gulf), does not overuse their military, does not overtax, and does not inflate their currency. Oh wait.

We’re so screwed.

On a lighter note, here is my version of the Roman Persian War. I call it The Battle of the Sepia Tone Posters. Who will win?

A LETTER TO YOUR REPRESENTATIVES SUPPORTING HR1207

2009-10-17T07:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Representative,

Please co-sponsor and/or support HR 1207, an effort to audit the Federal Reserve.

As a taxpayer, I am an involuntary investor of the Federal Reserve. Every decision they make and every dollar they print affects the strength of the dollars in my pocket, and since the Fed's creation in 1913, the value of my dollar has plummeted. The current bailouts have left billions of dollars unaccounted for, and I have a right to know who received these loans, in what amounts, for which collateral, and why specific loans were made. Not once in the Fed's history have they opened their books to the American public.

I know you may worry that this will jeopardize the Fed's sovereignty, but I really have to question if the Federal Reserve is truly an independent bank, when its chairman is appointed by the president every four years. Fed chairmen have been known to ingratiate themselves into the president’s favor close to election time by means of loose monetary policy and the false (and temporary) prosperity it brings about. If anything an audit of the Federal Reserve will bring a balance of power to the government.

This bill gives no other power to Congress besides auditing the Federal Reserve. The bill is not designed to empower politicians, to increase the money supply, choose interest-rate targets, or adopt any of the rest of the Fed’s central planning apparatus, all of which is better left to the free market than to the Fed or Congress. It seeks nothing more than to open the Fed’s books to public scrutiny. Congress has a moral and legal obligation to oversee institutions it brings into existence.

Even though you may be concerned about further congressional involvement, I think it is important to remember that under Article 1 Section 8 of the Constitution, (the document you swore to uphold) Congress has the right to coin money, regulate the value thereof, and of foreign coin, and fix the standard of weights and measures. We have handed this power blindly over to the Federal Reserve and they in turn have destroyed our dollar.

Anything less than support for this resolution suggests that you are in favor of secrecy and a lack of accountability to the people who pay the bills. Unlike other bills that have had hundreds of pages and took hours to read, this bill can be read in under 5 minutes. It is direct, to the point and has no hidden agenda.

Thank you in advance for your attention on this important legislation. I have every expectation that you will do right by your constituents to support this measure.

Sincerely,
The Eagle View

You can read a copy of this bill here.

Feel free to use any part of this letter when addressing your representatives. No attribution required.

You can find out who represents you here.

THE LIFE AND DEATH OF THE US DOLLAR

2009-10-15T21:07:00.001-07:00

“Pearls are not valuable because men dive for them…
men dive for them because pearls are valuable.”

It’s pretty scary to think that the United States dollar is not backed by gold, silver or anything precious or valuable. It is in fact, only worth the paper that it is printed on, and the only reason we accept its value is because enough people believe it to be worth something. This is called a fiat currency, where the power and the value of the dollar is determined by the central bank that prints it.

There is an inherent flaw in the fiat currency system though. If too many dollars are printed we face hyperinflation, where all perceived value of the dollar is lost and they become less valuable than the latest Hanson CD. This is the problem that we face today as the value of our dollar plummets.

It hasn’t always been this way. Our Founding Fathers knew the flaws of a centralized banking system and wanted to keep the nation's wealth in the hands of the people. This meant that if everyone used gold and silver pieces to trade, instead of a central bank note, it would deter banks from running on a fractional reserve banking system. FRB, for short, would give banks the ability to loan out or print more money then the gold they have in their vaults. If we stuck to the Founder's system, gold and silver pieces would be inflation proof and counterfeit proof.

Through the Constitution and the Coinage Act of 1792, the Founders set up a system where they defined dollars to be gold and silver coins, and allowed only Congress the power to coin money. Only these minted coins would be deemed "lawful money," meaning that promissory notes or demand notes (today’s version of dollars) were unlawful.

The government was able to keep to these standards for at least a few decades. But in order to finance the Civil War, Lincoln reeled in coins and replaced them with the infamous greenbacks. The value of the dollar plummeted and it wasn’t until after the war, when the government began to reissue coins, that the buying power of the dollar increased.

SIDE NOTE:
In order for paper money to have value, it must be a legally binding document or contract. That’s what all the writing and funky signatures on the bill are for. But when looking at a bill you should pay close attention to the wording of it.

Between the Civil War and 1914, there were several versions of paper money with several different agreements, but when the Federal Reserve Bank, a “private” central bank, opened its doors in 1914 they began printing money with this contract on it:

"This note is receivable by all National Banks and Federal Reserve Banks for taxes and public dues. It is redeemable in gold on demand at the treasury department in Washington or in gold coin or lawful money at any Federal Reserve Bank."

If dollars can be exchanged for lawful money, then they are not lawful money. They are a loan, a promissory note, an IOU. They are a contract that gives the Federal Reserve the full power to inflate the dollar, and does not guarantee any set amount of gold in return.

Today's dollars have been further revised to not allow the exchange of notes to lawful money.

LET THE PRINTING PRESSES BEGIN

By the 1920s Fractional Reserve Banking was in full effect. Banks, backed by the Federal Reserve's notes, loaned out too much money, creating a financial bubble that would soon burst and result in many bank failures. (Sound familiar?) To stimulate the shrinking economy, FDR sent the printing presses into overdrive and confiscated all of the circulating gold coins. Under Executive Order 6102, it became illegal for citizens to have any gold coin, bullion or certificate. The seized gold would become the infamous gold housed in the Federal Reserve vaults.

At the time of the confiscation it cost $21 to buy an ounce of gold, and immediately after, it became $35 per ounce. Already the purchasing power of the dollar was declining. In all, 11 billion dollars were exchanged for all 261,000,000 ounces of gold.

Complete control of the gold supply was now in the hands of the Federal Reserve, exactly what our Founding Fathers were trying to avoid. World war and depression raged on throughout the globe and, in order to provide a foundation for global recovery, a conference was held in Bretton Woods, NH in 1944 by all 44 major allied powers. At the conference it was recognized that the US represented half of the global economy, and it would be for the world’s best interest to make the US dollar the global reserve currency to make trade easier between nations. This was great for the Unite States, because in order to trade, all countries had to buy dollars at its $35 per ounce rate, resulting in a US economic boom. But there was nothing in the Bretton Woods agreement that stopped the Federal Reserve from issuing more Federal Reserve Notes.

In only a few decades, countries began to question how we were possibly able to finance our unending wars overseas. In order to fund the Vietnam War, the US ran huge budget deficits and started flooding the economy with paper dollars. The French, under President Charles de Gaulle, became suspicious that the United States could not back the money supply with gold, and began trading in their surplus of dollars for gold.

In 1971, the United States Treasury's gold stocks began to decline at an alarming rate and, in order to save our reserves, Nixon declared a force majeure, unilaterally breaking us from the Bretton Woods agreement. He had officially closed the gold window, and would no longer allow anyone to redeem their dollars for gold. We were now completely severed from the gold system. Without gold backing our dollar, there was no limit to how many Federal Reserve notes could be printed.

It took our country 300 hundred years, from the first pilgrim until 1973, to generate the first trillion dollars of money stock. The most recent trillion dollars was generated in the past four and a half months. Before our dollar completely crashes, we need to put an end to our out of control spending. We need to take back control of our dollar, and put it back in the hands of the United States citizens. And, above all else, we need to put an end to the Federal Reserve.

There is hope. The rules that were outlined in the Constitution still stand. There has been no amendment to repeal them. The Coinage Act is held in a state of suspension by laws that are both unconstitutional and illegal. We have ended central banks in the past and we can do it again. New currency can be phased in as the Federal Note is phased out. The introduction of the euro is proof of it.

Right now there is a bill, HR 1207, in Congress to audit the Fed. Contact your representatives and make sure that they are supporting this bill. This is the first step to change we can actually believe in.

These guys are awesome!

THE LANDLORD'S GAME

2009-10-13T15:20:00.001-07:00

After writing my last blog, I was in the mood for a high calorie, all American meal. I hopped into my car and headed for those golden arches. Upon receiving my meal, (calorie count unknown) I was happy to see Rich Uncle Pennybags staring up at me with his ridiculous mustache and snazzy top hat! It was time for the McDonald’s annual Monopoly Game! Hell friggin' yeah!

Monopoly, a game of monetary and property domination usually played by people who can’t run their own lives, is as boring to read about as it is frustrating to play.

Even the iconic metal player pieces have little to no story behind them. They are just leftover garbage from miniature toy companies and other failed Parker Brothers games that George and Charles incorporated into Monopoly. But what you might not have known is that the British Secret Service, during WW2, sent this game to prisoners being held by Nazis, with maps, compasses and real money hidden inside. (I guess files baked into cakes were a little too obvious.) But since I took the time to read about its history, I might as well keep a blog log of it.

The history of Monopoly dates back to 1904, when a Quaker named Magie Phillips created “the Landlord’s Game,” proving that Quakers really suck at coming up with titles. The concept behind the game was to explain that privately owned land, enriched the property owners and impoverished tenants. (This was a Georgist philosophy where people believed that the government should own all the land instead and rent it out to the citizens.) Knowing that this concept would be far too difficult to explain, she crafted its lessons into a long drawn out game where it’s meaning would never fade or be forgotten?

Socialists, for some crazy reason, loved the game and spread it’s message and game play across the land. (If there is one thing I know about socialists...they have an unrelenting competitive nature.)

Soon, other people started making their own versions. Daniel Layman sold his version under an equally horrible name “The Fascinating Game of Finance.” And Charles Darrow learned the game and repackaged it again changing the name to “Monopoly," which now included Atlantic City street names.

Parker Brothers, after rejecting all versions of the game, eventually saw it’s popularity grow and proceeded to buy the rights to all three versions ironically giving them a monopoly over the game "Monopoly."

THE END

Oh yeah...if anyone turns up with Park Place, I'll go halves with you cause I just got Boardwalk....BOOYAH!

THE FUTURE OF AMERICA: RAT BURGERS

2009-10-11T19:52:00.000-07:00

It should be no surprise to anyone that more government regulation has failed once again. Their latest scheme to keep fat people thin by requiring restaurants to post their calorie counts has failed. With thousands of tax dollars spent to put this into effect, new studies point out that this did not change consumers' waist lines at all. But even if it did, is this what we want to spend our money on, social engineering and behavioral changes? That is a little too 1984 for me.

Now I always thought that the government’s primary function was to prevent people from harming each other, whether by force or by fraud. But in the past century, we have been misled to believe that the government’s job is to stop us from making bad decisions, and to demonize anyone that tempts us with anything more than a celery stick. Why take personal responsibility when it is so much easier to point your fat finger?

But the truth is that if a restaurant doesn’t share nutritional information with you, you are not being harmed – you’re just not getting what you want. If you believe you can’t make healthy choices without that information, you are free to take your business elsewhere. The restaurants know this, so it’s in their interest to keep you happy. That’s why nutrition information is easily available online and in pamphlets – because enough customers demanded it, not because politicians did.

Meanwhile, these laws force restaurants to conduct a lot of expensive lab tests on their food to determine all the calorie counts, which in turn drives up prices. The end result, of course, is that not only are your taxes increased but you’ll pay more for your restaurant meals and fat people will still be just as fat.* This of course, like most regulations, hurt the lower and middle class pocketbooks much more than the upper class. But f*ck em, who cares about that 90% of the population...right? The politicians get to feel good about themselves, and that’s all that really matters.

But whether it’s menu labeling, soda taxes, or something as ridiculous as salt shaker bans, regulators seem dead-set on destroying our freedom as consumers. And if America continues down this road and does to the food industry what it did to the tobacco industry, you can find me down in the sewer with Sylvester Stallone and Denis Leary eating a nice juicy rat burger.

GO FIGURE:
You can look up nutrition information for hundreds of restaurants on this web site, which somebody took the time to create without any interference by politicians.

* I think it is important to note that calorie based diets work roughly 1% of the time and usually leads to weight gain. People can watch their calories all they want but what they should strive for is a well balanced nutritional diet. Let's face it, the bigger you are the more calories your body needs for fuel. And for fat people if they are insulin-resistant, meaning their bodies produce a higher level of insulin to keep their blood surgar down, their bodies end up storing calories as fat and not using them as fuel. Cutting back on calories for one meal at McDonald's will only lead you to crash and then binge later on that day...eating just as much if not more calories.

...AND WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH BLACKMAIL?

2009-10-11T07:56:00.000-07:00

People have been sleeping with their interns since the creation of the internship position. I actually wouldn't be surprised if internships were in fact created so that bosses could have someone new to sleep with every three to six months. So really when I heard that David Letterman has been giving his own special "Late Night Show" to a couple of his interns I was not really surprised. What I am more bothered by is that Joe Halderman is being charged with blackmail and could face up to 15 years in prison. Say What?

Now I understand that most people automatically conclude that blackmail should be an illegal action. But is there really anything wrong with it? Let's investigate:

Imagine if you are this guy:

and you catch this guy:

playing hide the kielbasa with this:

After taking one of these:

to your eyes, so you never have to see something like that again, you proposition Mr. Letterman and say that you are protected under your 1st Amendment Right to tell the public about his affair.

At this point you have done nothing immoral or illegal, you are simply stating your human rights protected under the Constitution.

Now let's say you request $2 million to keep your mouth shut and forgo your Constitutional right. It is now up to Dave to decide whether if it is worth having the public and his wife know about the affair or just pay you the money.

Blackmail is simply a voluntary exchange of goods. Everyone has the right to tell a secret as long as they have obtained that information legally. Sure they might be seen as a gossip or some creepy old white guy with bad facial hair but nothing is illegal about it. Now on the other hand Dave can go up to Joe and offer him money to not say anything and there is nothing illegal about it.

A CLEVER ANECDOTE:
You have a God given right to sleep and watch TV all day, and I would say most Americans are pretty damn good at it. But when you are offered a job you're employer says: "If you don't exercise your right to be the bum that you are, I will give you x amount of money per year." No harm no foul!

But if Joe initiates it, it becomes blackmail, but really it is only a voluntary exchange where both parties benefit. In this case it wasn't worth the $2mil to Dave so he "topsy turvy-ed that motha f@#ker" and told the world.

(Jump to 1:42 if you want this clip to make any sense)

Back to my point, if there ever really was one. In this scenario David Letterman never faced jail time or any loss to his personal freedoms and liberties. If he did, this of course, would be a forced exchange, and should be illegal. But what is ironic is that the government gets away with this every day, while Joe Halderman faces 15 years for exercising his Constitutional rights.

If the government is good at anything it would be coerced exchanges, where one party benefits and the other does not. Such examples are drafts and taxes, where people are forced into conceding to the government's terms and if they don't face jail time, and loss of their individual freedoms. But I could ramble about this for days, but instead I will leave you with this short lesson on governmental policy:

DON'T STEAL THE GOVERNMENT HATES COMPETITION.

SEAT HOGS

2009-06-28T13:04:00.000-07:00

Watch out John Travolta, Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence and that other guy. There is a new vigilante in town...the Seat Hog.

Young people with strong backs and a good set of legs BEWARE! New York City is waging war on people who will not give up their seat to the elderly, pregnant and/or the disabled. Those who decline to give up a seat on request face up to a $50 fine and repeat offenders can face up to 10 days in jail.

Oh great! So now it's illegal to be an @sshole. That's what New York is known for and if they take that away from us, we might as well be one of those filthy Canadians. And if that's not enough they are wasting tax payers money putting up these ridiculous signs as warnings.

The posters also explain that “not all disabilities are visible.” The disabled include people who are legally blind, have congestive heart failure, are being given chemotherapy or have epilepsy. Even someone with a cane is eligible to ask for a priority seat. Similar posters appeared on subways and buses in 1999 and 2004, but didn't mention the legal ramifications.

This is as ridiculous as the Good Samaritan law Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer were arrested for...and we all know how that turned out.

And as a final thought I would love to see any elderly handicapped pregnant person ask the homeless man I saw last night, who was sleeping on the subway with filthy bare feet taking up three seats as he laid face down into the hand rail, for his seat. I think it would be a good fight.

ARTIST OF THE MILLENIUM

2009-06-26T06:36:00.000-07:00

Well okay it turns out that he wasn't but to Britney Spears and a lot of people he was!!...despite all of his...hmm hmm...eccentricities. But lets look beyond everything that made him Wacko Jacko and ignore the plastic surgery, the purchase of the elephant man's bones, the mid-afternoon naps in his hyperbaric chamber, Bubbles, the plastic surgery, the sex allegations, Lisa Marie Presley, the plastic surgery, the skin bleaching, Neverland ranch, his catcher gear outfits, his crazy swine-flu masks, the balcony incident and lets not forget the plastic surgery...but let's remember him for who he really was...A PATENT GENIUS!!!

We all know the man has more moves than a box of Ex-Lax on the dance floor but I am and will be continually blown away by his 45 degree lean in the smooth criminal video. One might say that it was all cable tricks but he was also able to replicate it on stage. AMAZING!!!

If you're impatient you can just jump to the 7:15 marker.

So what's the trick you might ask. Well here it is but be forewarned IT IS a

SPOILER ALERT:

Michael Jackson and two of his costume designers obtained a US patent (US5255452) in 1993 on "Methods and Means for Creating Anti Gravity Illusion". The invention outlines how a special pair of shoes attaches to a stage to allow leaning forward beyond the centre of gravity of the wearer of the shoes. Makes perfect sense right? The heel of the dancers’ shoes featured a triangular cut out that could be hitched onto the peg, anchoring the dancers to lean much farther forward, and thus blowing the world’s collective mind. The simplicity IS the genius!

WHAT'S THE SOUND AN EAGLE MAKES?

2009-05-21T12:33:00.000-07:00

tweet, tweet...tweet, tweet.
Yes that's right...the eagle has just started twittering. Why? I don't know. But why not, this is America ain't it?
Check it out...yo!
TheEagleTweetView

GIVE ME MY DAMN FRIES!

2009-01-25T10:49:00.001-08:00

I never thought I'd say this but I am against a minimum wage. At first glance that probably sounds like a horrible thing to say. Images of people working for pennies an hour, starving in the street and anarchy running a muck probably pops into your head. I'm not surprised because after all wasn't the law created to help these poor vile souls?

DISGUSTING!

The truth is that the working poor struggling to eke out a living were not the driving force behind the 1938 law. New England’s highly paid textile workers were. But that really shouldn't surprise you?

Lets travel back seventy/eighty years, during the 1920s and 30s, the American textile industry had begun to shift from New England to the South, where the cost of living was lower and where Southern workers produced a high quality product for lower wages. Northern politicians (Massachusetts I'm looking at you), battled in Congress for a law that would force Southern textile mills to raise wages and thereby lose their competitive edge. (If there is one thing the North likes to do is stick it to the south.) Suffice it to say the North got their way and by June 25, 1938, President Franklin Roosevelt signed into law America’s first minimum wage.

Once the original bill was passed, many economists and politicians predicted that more workers would be thrown out of work and that the Great Depression—already in its ninth year—would get worse. That’s exactly what happened and during the fall elections, Roosevelt lost an astonishing 80 House seats to the Republicans.

Over the years, steady hikes in the minimum wage have priced out of the market the most vulnerable workers, including minorities, teenagers, and women with limited skills. The bias of minimum wage laws against disadvantaged minorities has been conspicuous ever since 1956, when the minimum wage shot up from 75 cents to $1.00 an hour. During the next two years, nonwhite teenage unemployment spiralled from 14 to 24 percent. And now we live in a society where if a man can’t find a job that paid the minimum, he wouldn’t be able to find a job at all.

Now the way I look at things is I first ask myself how much do I want the government to be involved in my life. Lets say I was a man on my own selling widgets and I decided I wanted to hire on one person. Shouldn't I be allowed to let the market dictate the wage, and not the government. I highly doubt I would be able to find many people to work for chump change and peanuts. Well maybe this guy?

But I do agree that if we look at it on a grander scale of course we start seeing problems. Powerhouses like Wal*mart and McDonald's, who for some towns are their major employment resources, could easily take advantage of their workers. That is why I don't find the minimum wage to be the most pressing issue. But the true reason that these companies became so big is because of corporate welfare and the discounts they receive for setting up shops in towns. We need to stop letting the government allow big business make the decisions and in the mean time promote unionization and the power to organize. We should never deny any working group to organize and negotiate for the best set of standards of working conditions.

But let me leave you with this...if minimum wage is so positive why not make it $15 or even $20 dollars an hour? Everyone would be better off than, right?

THE SEPARATION OF SPAGHETTI AND STATE

2009-01-24T10:19:00.000-08:00

In the beginning there was Kansas, a state that we all know has nothing going for it besides the Wizard of Oz and the occasional tumbleweed. Oh and let's not forget about their religious fanaticism. But in 2005, out of nothingness came the great noodly appendaged god...the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Now Kansas is one of fifteen privileged states that falls inside the bible belt. So it may not surprise you that in 2005 there were still people fighting for the schools to teach creationism as science. But this was proving to be difficult since the Supreme Court ruled in 1987 that the church and state go together like water and oil. They just don't mix.

But instead of giving up, what the religious PR reps did was repackaged creationism and started selling it as intelligent design, the ASSERTION that "certain features of the universe and of living things are best explained by an intelligent cause, not an undirected process such as natural selection. (I always did find Darwin to be a little bit slow...and Mendel was practically inbred.)

With this new look to creationism the Kansas State Board of Education decided to require the teaching of intelligent design as an alternative to biological evolution. I mean who can resist a book with a panda eating bamboo on the cover.

But with the threat of church and state being once again stirred together, Bobby Henderson, a concerned American citizen, rose from ambiguity to reveal to the world that there is another theory that will answer all of our life long questions. The answer was within a box of Ronzoni...it was the FSM.

Since the intelligent design movement used ambiguous references to an unspecified 'Intelligent Designer', this left open the possibility that any imaginable thing could fill that role. And fill that role the FSM did.

Followers of this new religion were Pastafarians. Their saints were pirates, their major holiday is called "Holiday," and their heaven consists of beer volcanoes and a stripper factory. (Hell is similar but the beer is stale and the strippers have STDs) Some might say they are poking fun at Christianity with their "Eight I'd Really Rather You Didn't"s instead of the Ten Commandments and concluding their prayers with "RAmen". But I think it is all just a big coincidence. Either way if I can find room on my calendar for Festivus than I can find room for Holiday.

But I digress I think it is best to let Bobby Henderson tell you what the Flying Spaghetti Monster is all about. In fact you should have read that link instead of wasting your time here. I apologize.

THE MORAL HAZARD OF REGULATION BY RON PAUL

2008-11-11T08:52:00.000-08:00

Since the bailout bill passed, I have been frequently disturbed to hear “experts” wrongly blaming the free market for our recent economic problems and calling for more regulation. In fact, further regulation can only make things worse.

It is important to understand that regulators are not omniscient. It is not feasible for them to anticipate every possible thing that could go wrong with whatever industry or activity they are regulating. They are making their best guesses when formulating rules. It is often difficult for those being regulated to understand the many complex rules they are expected to follow. Very wealthy corporations hire attorneys who may discover a myriad of loopholes to exploit and render the spirit of the regulations null and void. For this reason, heavy regulation favors big business against those small businesses who cannot afford high-priced attorneys.

The other problem is the trust that people blindly put in regulations, and the moral hazard this creates. Too many people trust government regulators so completely that they abdicate their own common sense to these government bureaucrats. They trust that if something violates no law, it must be safe. How many scams have “It’s perfectly legal” as a hypnotic selling point, luring in the gullible?

Many people did not understand the financial house of cards that are derivatives, but since they were legal and promised a great return, people invested. It is much the same in any area rife with government involvement. Many feel that just because their children are getting good grades at a government school, they are getting a good education. After all, they are passing the government-mandated litmus test. But, this does not guarantee educational excellence. Neither is it always the case that a child who does NOT achieve good marks in school is going to be unsuccessful in life.

Is your drinking water safe, just because the government says it is? Is the internet going to magically become safer for your children if the government approves regulations on it? I would caution any parent against believing this would be the case. Nothing should take the place of your own common sense and due diligence.

These principles explain why the free market works so much better than a centrally planned economy. With central planning, everything shifts from one’s own judgment about safety, wisdom and relative benefits of a behavior, to the discretion of government bureaucrats. The question then becomes “what can I get away with,” and there will always be advantages for those who can afford lawyers to find the loopholes. The result then is that bad behavior, that would quickly fail under the free market, is propped up, protected and perpetuated, and sometimes good behavior is actually discouraged.

Regulation can actually benefit big business and corporate greed, while simultaneously killing small businesses that are the backbone of our now faltering economy. This is why I get so upset every time someone claims regulation can resolve the crisis that we are in. Rather, it will only exacerbate it.

WHATS LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

2008-07-08T07:36:00.001-07:00

The only thing worse than watching tennis is reading about it. Its not that I don't appreciate the skill or the strength the sport takes...its just that I don't care. But because Wimbeldon consumed TBS over the 4th of July weekend, I was forced to watch some of the matches over my preferred Matlock reruns and in turn chose to write a short blog about how ass backwards the scoring system is for the game. So forgive me for my poor Seinfeld impersonation but "What's the deal with the tennis scoring? You win one point and all of a sudden you're up 15. Two points, 30-love. 30-love? Sounds like an English call girl. 'That'll be 30, love.'"

The game itself is basically just ping-pong but the players stand on the table. So why, if ping-pong is scored so simply, do they make tennis scoring so convoluted. Here is the scoring breakdown: Scores of zero to three points are described as "love" (or "zero"), "fifteen", "thirty", and "forty", respectively. Since no one knows for sure why they score this way I am providing the most popular theories to provide an answer.

BUT FIRST BEHOLD HOW AWESOME PING-PONG IS:

THEORY 1:
One theory is that a clock face was used on the tennis court to keep score, with a quarter move of the hand to indicate a score of fifteen, thirty, and forty-five. When the hand moved to sixty, the game was over. So, Ms. Vito, please answer the question: does this theory hold water? No, of course not, the scoring is 40, not 45.

THEORY 2:
Since tennis was "invented" by the Brits, specifically Major Walter Wingfield in the late 1800's (who "borrowed" the idea from the ancient Greek game sphairistike), the game's scoring system was based on the different gun calibres of the British naval ships. When firing a salute, the ships first fired their 15-pound guns on the main deck, followed by the 30-pound guns of the middle deck, and finally by the 40-pound lower gun deck. Sure...I'll buy that for a dollar.

LOVE:
The origin of the use of "love" for zero is also disputed; it's either comes from the french word for egg (l‘oeuf) because an egg looks like the number zero. "Love" is also said to derive from "l'heure" or "the hour" in French. (This would support the stupid clock theory above) Another possibility of the origin comes from the Dutch "iets voor lof doen," which means to do something for nothing. The word 'lof' (nothing) has changed over time to 'love'. But really did anything useful ever come from the Dutch? You make the call cause I really don't care anymore.

DEUCE:
Just lets say its derived from the french word...deux...as in two (more points.) Cause I guess in tennis that's how many points you have to win by. I would look into that for you but again I really don't care.

So there you have it Tina, that's exactly what love has to do with it.

TSO WHAT?

2008-06-30T12:01:00.000-07:00

Well its Monday night, you're not in the mood to cook so you pretty much have two options. Chinese or Pizza. You might fool yourself into thinking you have more choices, but you had (insert closest fast food chain here) for lunch and every other ethnic cuisine is an extra 5 minutes in the car. God bless the lazy American lifestyle.

I, myself, usually go for Chinese in the beginning of the week because pizza has a liberating feeling to it fucking with my mind to make it think its either thursday or friday. (I don't need that kind of dissappointment on a Monday night.) My personal favorite dish is General Tso's Chicken. I've probably consistantly ordered the dish for about half of my life and I still have no idea how to pronounce it. I've tried Tiso, Sow, So, and any other combination between the three. I looked online and I've come to realize the rest of America is as clueless as I am. (However, not as cluelass as Canada...they sometimes call it General George's Chicken. Idiots.)

DELICIOUS

While on my quest for the perfect pronunciation, which by popular majority and wikipedia is "General So's Chicken", I've come to realize that General Tso was a real guy. His actual name being, Zuo Zongtang, spelled Tso Tsung-t'ang in Wade-Giles and known simply as General Tso or General Tsuo to us whiteys.

In his early life he flunked the court exams (a glorified civil service test) more times than Vinny Gambini flunked the BAR exam. But Zuo I guess had that certain je ne sais quoi, and was given command of 5,000 volunteers and helped drive the Taiping rebels out of Hunan. I'm guessing this was a good thing because he was appointed Governor-General of Fujian and Zhejiang. Other key highlights were overseeing the erection of a shipyard (hehe) and stopping another uprising. This all happened in the 1860's, while we were busy dealing with our own Civil War.

General Tso
or

Vincent Gambini...you decide

So what does he have to do with chicken? No one knows for sure. Some say his wife made him the meal after a victorious battle and he was so impressed with it that he had his wife make it for his commanding officers after every victory, but not likely. I only say this because no one in China really knows about this dish. Its pretty much an American food that may or may not have been created by Hunan cuisine chef Peng Chang-kuei in New York City in 1973. The dish was originally prepared without sugar, and subsequently altered to suit the tastes of non-Hunanese people. Can we say "sell-out." Ironically, when Peng opened a restaurant in Hunan in the 1990s introducing General Tso's chicken, the restaurant closed without success because the locals found the dish too sweet. Oops.

And after you read all of this, you are still left thinking "So What?"and I say to you good sir, "Tso What? Tso Let's Dance!!!"

DIE TAXMAN, DIE (PART 3-CONCLUSION)

2008-04-11T23:42:00.000-07:00

Was that pause too dramatic? I can never tell. So as I was saying...

It's not that I'm against taxes…for a society to function we need at least some. Don't we? Those roads aren't paving themselves. But the income tax was a corrupt system to begin with, and I always say "follow the money and you'll find your answers."

John Rockefelller, a real RWMWM

Before the federal income tax was in place, multimillionaires (rich white men with moustaches) had their hands inside the governmental cookie jar and wanted to make certain that the new tax bill passed by Congress contained a provision specifically exempting their treasure from taxation. Cleverly, they created what was called a "charitable foundation". The idea was to co-sign the ownership of wealth, including stocks and securities, to a foundation and then get Congress and the state legislatures to declare all such charitable institutions exempt from taxes. Simple.

Here are the magic words under Section 2, paragraph G:

"Provided, however, that nothing in this section shall apply...to any corporation or association organized and operated exclusively for religious, charitable, scientific or educational purposes."

So now with the rich practically free and clear from tax and the government still having their debt (yes, debt) to pay, they turn and sink their teeth into the middle class paycheck.

But really where is all of our hard earned money going. If it was going to help that little kid who's just trying to read a book in the public library without getting his mind warped than I'd say "Sure, Ok give the kid a chance." But its not.
• Schools are paid for by state and local taxes and property taxes.
• Roads, Highways and Interstates are paid for by the tax on gas. Currently 42c per gallon.
• The Defense budget is the precise amount of corporate taxes.

So what does our federal income money go towards? In 1985, President Ronald Reagan created the Grace Commission to investigate where Income Tax money was spent by the Government each year. It found that 100% was absorbed by interest on Federal debt. Ok, thats reasonable right? That is the debt we owe to foreign countries right? Wrong. That is the money owed by the government to the Federal Reserve.

The Federal Reserve is a privately held bank. We are paying money on interest owed to a bank for generating money for the government’s use. The constitution specifically states that congress has the ability to print money interest free. Why then do we allow the Federal Reserve to manage our money? The Federal Reserve Act of 1913 established the Federal Reserve System. The act was passed through Congress during the Christmas holiday when most congressman were at home with their families. In that act the government gave over power of printing the money to the privately held Federal Reserve, whos only loyalty is the bottom line, and prints money carelessly causing inflation. It is not a coincidence that an income tax started almost immediately after the creation of the Federal Reserve. But I think I'll tackle the Federal Reserve in another blog. I've probably depressed everyone just enough with this rant.

Just remember:
“The Federal Reserve is no more Federal than Federal Express.”

DIE TAXMAN, DIE (PART 2-LEGALITY)

2008-04-11T21:13:00.000-07:00

"The Congress shall have power to lay and collect taxes on incomes, from whatever source derived, without apportionment among the several States, and without regard to any census or enumeration."-16th Amendment

Congress has always had the power to tax. That is what they do. Check Article 1 Section 8 if you don't believe me. But in the beginning, the Constitution stated direct taxes had to be apportioned equally among the States. (This just meant that if a State with 10% of the country's population had to pay 10% of the taxes.) So, if I understand this clearly, the government had to know how much to tax before they sent out the bill so they knew how to divide it equally. But then the 16th Amendment came along and determined that income tax does not have to be apportioned. So, technically this Amendment didn't give any new powers to Congress but just expanded the length of their ass-kicking stick.

But if only 80% of America is paying their income tax, then what the hell is the other 20% doing? Well, they either think that they are above the law, that there is no law requiring you to pay an income tax, or that the 16th Amendment, is in fact, unconstitutional. Some arguments are more convincing than others, but put them all together and you get one shady amendment.

TRAMPLES THE 4TH AMENDMENT:
This is the amendment which protects your privacy (privacy of the home, business, personal papers and personal affairs). When you think of it, isn't the government looking into your income an invasion of privacy? Especially when it is taboo to even talk about income with your closest friends. But if you can't trust Big Brother, who can you trust? Not the Joker.

AND THE 5TH:
Don't try hiding behind that "I plead the fifth" nonsense. The Supreme Court declared it could not be used by bootleggers and others who earned income through illegal activities to avoid paying taxes. Consequently, many who broke various laws associated with illegal activities and were able to escape justice for these crimes were incarcerated on tax evasion charges. Al Capone, I'm talking to you.

AND THE THIRTEENTH:
Tax protesters have argued (…and failed) saying that income taxes impose involuntary servitude to the government violating the Thirteenth Amendment.

NEVER RATIFIED?
Some believe the Sixteenth Amendment to the Constitution was never "properly ratified" since the text proposed by Congress was not the same text ratified in terms of capitalization, spelling of words, or punctuation marks. I call that just being petty…and it doesn't work.

FRIVOLOUS ARGUMENTS
Some argue that the Sixteenth Amendment did not authorize a tax on wages and salaries, but only on gains or profits.This argument asserts that work wages are not income, because there is no gain when a person “exchanges” labor for money.
Others say that the IRS itself tells taxpayers in the Form 1040 instruction book that the tax system is voluntary. And that there is no law in the Internal Revenue Code, or any other federal statute, that requires them to pay income taxes, and they demand that the IRS show them the law that imposes tax on their income.

THE INTERNAL REVENUE CODE:
Is a big scary book of tax law. But somewhere in the 3.4 million words that it contains, it supposedly states that by law you have to pay taxes, that “gross income” includes compensation for services, and that the requirement to pay taxes is not voluntary and is clearly set forth somewhere in section 1.

Now granted, I did not read the Internal Revenue Code to prove that these laws do exist. I'm just taking the IRS' word for it since I don't have enough money for a lawyer when the IRS comes a'seizing. And they will…just ask Tom Cryer.

(NEXT: PART III: CONCLUSION)

DIE TAXMAN, DIE (PART 1-HISTORY)

2008-04-09T10:44:00.000-07:00

Translation: The Taxman, The.

I know my German might be a little off, but I only have Sideshow Bob and the Simpsons to blame. Anyway, welcome to my personal hell…TAX SEASON. The time of year that I am reminded that I spend one quarter of the year working for nothing. So in honor of April 15th, I have set up a several part blog dedicated to the TAXMAN, the.

"In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes."-Benny Franklin

Damn straight. And the government made sure of that in 1913 when they ratified the 16th amendment giving Congress the legal authority to tax individual's incomes. But I am getting ahead of myself.

America was established by tax protesters, so it made sense that the Founding Fathers were against income taxes. But then the Civil War came along, and since guns didn't have that Wal-mart cheapness to them, a 3% income tax was implemented and allowed by the Supreme Court. After the war, however, the income tax was repealed and the government went back to making their money off of liquor and tobacco taxes. In 1895, the government tried another direct tax but that was quickly declared unconstitutional. So to pay for America's next forgotten war, the Spanish-American War, they began taxing and double-taxing anything they could, even gum. In fear of having land Federally taxed as well, Congressmen from agricultural areas proposed an income tax. But also in urban areas at that time we had men like Rockefeller making a killing, and average Americans breaking their backs for pennies a day.

LET THE SHADINESS COMMENCE:
Needless to say, there was social unrest and the idea of a tax on the upper class began to take root in BOTH major parties. Several times the Democrats introduced bills to provide a tax on higher incomes but each time the Republican party killed it in the Senate. The Democrats used this as evidence that the Republicans were the "party of the rich" and should be thrown out of power, forcing President William Howard Taft to acknowledge in political speeches that income taxes might be all right "in principle."

So pretty much what happened next was Senator Bailey (D) proposed an income tax bill to show America that Republicans were against the common man. But instead of rejecting it, Taft and the Republicans tried to one up the Democrats, by taking it one step further and instead of a law, making an income tax part of the constitution. And both sides thinking that it would die in the ratification process were quite surprised to see it become the 16th amendment. CT, FL, RI and UT rejected the amendment. Good job!

ENEMY NUMBER 1:

Now you can remember him for something else, besides being that fat president that got stuck in his bathtub.

But really what's the big deal the first income tax was a mere 1%-7%. Chump change in my opinion. But to fund WWI, Woodrow Wilson raised taxes. And then the Great Depression hit, people lost jobs, the Government lost money, and taxes went up again. But then WWII came along, taxes had to be raised again, but the money wasn't coming in quick enough. So FDR, the sly dog he was, began collecting taxes at the payroll window before it was even due to be paid by the taxpayer. This greatly eased the collection of the tax by the IRS. However, it also greatly reduced the taxpayer's awareness of the amount of tax being collected, making it easier to raise taxes in the future. And thus begins the shift from taxing the wealthy to taxing the masses, but mainly the middle class.

(NEXT: PART II: LEGALITY)

LET THEM EAT FISH!

2008-04-06T01:06:00.001-07:00

To secede or not to secede, that is the question. South Carolina tried it…twice. Sure everyone knows about the Civil War, but 30 years before that in 1833, they tried to leave while the US was under the presidency of Andrew Jackson. Jackson's reaction was pretty much "you try, you die," and needless to say South Carolina backed down, but only until James Buchanan took office. James Buchanan, our first "homosexual" president, put up little to no resistance to keep South Carolina part of the union. Sure you can look at James Buchanan as a weak president, but don't states have a right to secede?

WARNING:
LEGAL MUMBO-JUMBO.
Since secession isn't discussed in the constitution, the right to secede falls under the Tenth Amendment. Any power not delegated to the federal government by the states, and not prohibited to the states by the Constitution, remains a right of the states. This defense, along with a clause in the ratification of the Constitution that permitted states to withdraw from the Union if the government became oppressive was the justification that let James Buchanon allow the Southern states to leave in peace. With that said, I think it's about time to let Northwest Angle leave the Union and become a member of America's National Park. A little place I like to call, Canada.

Northwest Angle, Minnesota, with population maxing at 152 people, is trying to secede from the union, not because of slavery or taxes but because of fish. Fishing is Northwest Angle. That is what they do. That is who they are. Hell, kids fish there at recess. Sadly though the water surrounding ol' Angle is Canadian water. So when Ontario passed a new law saying Americans staying at Northwest Angle can no longer keep fish they catch, it meant disaster for the Angle's residents. And since the fish dilema is no slavery issue America pretty much ignores them.

But fishing can be dangerous:

So come on people, lets cut the umbilical cord and let them go. Technically speaking, the Angle is only a part of the union because of a mapping error made after the war of 1812, when we agreed with Great Britain that the American border would end at the 49th parallel. We accidentally took the Northwest angle, who's whopping 500 square miles of land, falls a shade north of the border. Good job David Thompson!

BEHOLD THE ANGLE CUSTOMS OFFICE:

HAPPY NEW YEAR…PSYCHE!

2008-04-01T19:09:00.000-07:00

"This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three-hundred and sixty-four."-Mark Twain

I would have never realized how lame the origin of April Fool's Day was unless I read it for myself. I always pictured April Fool's to have started because of some kind of crazy act, like the British aristocracy releasing plagued rats into a peasant's house as a lark or a French King maybe inviting a peasant to dine with his royalty only to send him to the guillotine. You know, something lighthearted. But sadly my findings just brought me back to the Christian church, the calendar and that damn vernal equinox. Oh yeah...and let us not forget…the French.

Basically, Julius Caesar's calendar (the Julian Calendar) had a few flaws to it that screwed up the timing of Easter and the vernal equinox. So in 1582, Pope Gregory XIII ordered a new calendar cleverly titling it, the Gregorian Calendar. This is the calendar that we know and live by today. Pope G's decree was that New Year's Day would be celebrated on Jan. 1st, not April 1st. (Technically it was March 25 but the celebration lasted from then until the beginning of April. They knew how to party back then.) In France, apparently not everyone got the memo and this led to some confusion and people celebrating New Year's on the wrong day. (insert laugh track here) The ones who made the mistake were laughed at by their peers and had dead fish sneakily placed on their backs. Seriously. The French can be so cruel!!

BLACK CHEROKEE

2008-03-28T09:57:00.001-07:00

"I don’t know what you know and you don’t know what I know but together we have a whole lot of know," Black Cherokee.

I usually hate driving on the FDR to get into Manhattan. It is usually backed up with traffic to the point of insanity, but just when I am about to karate chop the guy in the car next to me, I see Black Cherokee's "art" installations and everything is right in the world again, or at least for the next 1/2 mile. Usually one might mistake his "crazy-ass visions" as just garbage on the side of the road but to him, and to many commuters, it is art.

Otis Houston Jr, aka Black Cherokee, has been putting together makeshift displays for at least the past ten years on the southbound side of the FDR at 125th St, underneath the entrance of the Triborough Bridge. Originally, Houston came to New York from South Carolina in the 70's and spent '76 in jail for dealing cocaine. A few years later, he was shot twice in the back. In 1984, he returned to prison for heroin, where he read books, took art classes, and became a vegetarian. And from what I have been able to piece together, he was released in 1992 and may or may not be homeless...I'm thinking he is though.

His art is really something you have to experience for yourself. Some of his work might deal with current events. After the Columbine shootings, he laid fifteen yellow tulips, one for each person killed, on a plank supported by paving stones. When New York City police officer John Kelly died while chasing a man on a motorcycle, Houston found a print of Jesus and framed it with a motorcycle tire.

Some of his work is his own social commentary like when he put up a big sign that read “Got Debt? Live Well, Eat Better, Spend Less“. And another which was a small sign that simply read "Try". Sounds like a page out of Yoko Ono's portfolio.

And then there is some of his work that is just bizarre, like four blue strollers upside down in a puddle, twenty-three bottles of juice in a row, a white stuffed carnival gorilla in a beach chair and one, that I had the privilege of seeing, a baby doll sitting in a chair with a pink suitcase to her left and palm tree to her right. But the coup de grace would have to be him standing in the middle of hundreds of books that have been stacked into a makeshift fortress. He had books strapped all over his body like a suit of armer, shaking his arms and pointing violently at the traffic that passed. No clue to what that means but whenever I see his "art" it makes me smile and wish that I could live that freely (without being homeless of course).

But you can not pigeon hole Black Cherokee to entertaining passerbys with just art. Morning commuters are regularly treated to the sight of B.C. exercising. Sometimes shadowboxing, sometimes yoga. His motto is that "People are stuck in their cars, and I like to show them that there's another way to be." "I do a lot of stretching," he said. "There's eight thousand poses in yoga, and I've invented a few extra ones myself. And there's no reason not to do them in your car."

Only in New York…right?

ATTRIBUTION ADDED ON 10/14/08
In a stunning turn of events, my blog was found by the outside world and was mistakenly thought of to be original. Yeah...it is a shock to me too. Here is a link to where I got a lot of my information on Black Cherokee...because if I don't add it soon I think I'm going to give "dancing" Tony an aneurysm. Oh and I didn't make that video...I don't put that amount of effort into anything I do, let alone blogging.

THE NUMISMATIST

2008-03-27T15:12:00.000-07:00

Do you recognize this?

No, its not one of those worthless Canadian coins. It is, in fact, one one of those worthless American coins, the Susan B. Anthony dollar. One of America's many failed attempts at trying to make the dollar go coin. In theory it had everything going for it…a funky hendecagon (11-sided) design, the first non-fictitious woman appearing on a U.S. coin, and the coin's obvious durability over the flimsy "paper" dollar. But in 1979 with nearly one billion printed, Susie B hit the streets and was a complete failure. Most people confused it with the quarter and spent it as such. So into the vault she went until the government figured out a way to dupe us all into using them by dispensing "Susie B" as change through transit, postal and vending machines. By 1998, the vaults were almost empty, so instead of calling it quits, like they should have done, they produced the equally hated "Sacagawea" dollar.

First of all, that is not Sacagawea. Its Randy'L He-dow Teton a Native American that posed as Sacagawea for the coin. This makes He-dow the first woman (the third person) known to appear on a US coin while still living, another being Calvin Coolidge. And second, it is not even gold, it is a cheap brass-colored coating that easily rubs off after minimal handling. Why can the Canadians get it right with their Loonie, and we can't? Good job U.S. Mint. Not surprisingly, the coin failed just like the Susie B coin had and just like the Eisenhower dollar coin had failed before that. Worst of all, He-dow still haunts me in vending machines to this very day.

However, if the government switched to the US coin dollar it would save $500 million in printing costs per year. But I say, "So what?" It doesn't make up for how annoying it is to carry around more change than absolutely necessary. And besides the dollar's obvious cocaine-junkie appeal, it does NOT fall out of your pockets like change easily does, that is of course if you keep dollars in your pockets, which you should if you wanna be a true gangsta!!!!!

AFTER THOUGHT:
If the US really wanted to put a woman on a dollar they should put her on a legitimate coin or bill, not the U.S.eless coin dollar.
Andrew Jackson, who is on the twenty dollar bill, was opposed to a National Bank, why would he be on a bill? Does Washington and Lincoln really need to be on both a coin and a bill? What did Grant do to be worth 50 Washingtons? Share the love America, share the bills.

IN YOUR EOSTRE BONNET

2008-03-23T15:00:00.001-07:00

I've tried to figure it out but you pretty much have to be an astrophysicist to be able to understand when exactly Easter is going to take place. It can fall anywhere between March 22 and April 25 and may or may not have something to do with the moons. The system was set up in 325 AD by men much smarter than myself, and as long as they keep doing their job I will not have a problem figuring out when to paint my easter eggs for the easter bunny.

If you're a sane person at all you might have wondered what do easter eggs and rabbits have to do with the resurrection of Christ? Well the short answer is nothing. The long answer is that it was a great way for the Christian church to get those damn Pagans to fall into line and convert. All that Christianity had to do was to absorb some Pagan practices and symbols.

Paganism can broadly refer to any religion outside of Judaism, the big C and Islam. If you've read The DaVinci Code you know that some Pagans believed in the balance of nature, and all that earth, wind and fire jazz. They were the original hippies. And if there is one thing hippies love, it is their equinoxes, especially the Spring equinox when fertility and the birth of life is celebrated. So the Christians smoothly changed the Spring equinox party into a resurrection celebration and named it Easter.

Wait there's more.

Easter comes from the ancient pagan goddess of the spring named Eostre and according to popular folklore, Eostre once saved a bird whose wings had frozen during the winter by turning it into a rabbit. Because the rabbit had once been a bird, it could still lay eggs, and that rabbit grew up to be the Easter Bunny. The Germans added to this delusion by saying that only good children received gifts of colored eggs in the nests that they made in their caps and bonnets before Easter.

And if you couldn't swallow that pill here is another reason we have egg laying rabbits. Eggs and rabbits were important to the Pagans because they were symbols of fertility. Eggs sure, but rabbits? You know that saying "to breed like bunnies," well its there for a good reason. Female rabbits can conceive a second litter of offspring while still pregnant with the first. So the Christians took those two symbols slapped some color on the eggs and made a holiday of it.

NOW LET US PLAY,
CAN YOU SPOT THE PAGAN?
choose wisely

IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME

2008-03-21T14:42:00.000-07:00

There are few things that Oprah and President Bush agree on but I know that they, like many Americans, can all agree when I say "Peanut Butter & Jelly is one damn good sang-wich."

I grew up having the very occasional PB&J for lunch (Skippy Peanut Butter, Cold Jam, D'Italiano Italian Bread and Ice Cold Milk) but now that I am my own man, out in the world, fending for myself, I find that it has become a staple in my everyday routine. There is probably nothing quicker, easier, tastier, economically and environmentally friendlier than your extra-ordinary PB&J. (Take a moment and go visit the link. DO IT.) Who knew that it would take close to 5000 years for all those magic ingredients to come together? (You didn't visit it, did you?)

A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE PB&J…

BUT HERE IS HOW IT REALLY HAPPENED…
In 3000 BC, the Egyptians baked the first leavened bread. Fast forward 1500 years and you'll find the Incas discovering peanuts. Go forward another 2500 years, to 1095 AD, and you begin to see the "spread" of jelly from the Middle East, their origin, to Europe because of the First Crusade. In 1763 the "generic" sandwich was created in London by John Montague, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich, a degenerate gambler and sloppy eater. In 1890 peanut butter was invented by a physician in St. Louis. And then finally within 50 short years you get the creation of the PB&J sandwich. The greatest invention since sliced bread, which was invented in 1927…in AMERICA.

Now the exact date of the first PB&J is unknown but what is known is that both peanut butter and jelly were on the U.S. Military ration menus in WWII and some have suggested that the GIs added jelly to their peanut butter to make it more palatable. It was an instant hit and returning GIs made peanut butter and jelly sales soar in the U.S.

Now you can tell Edwin Star what war really is good for. Peanut Butter and Jelly. Say it again now.

RIP

THE ANTI-DENTITE

2008-03-19T12:45:00.000-07:00

Dentists have been around torturing patients since as early as 5500 BC. Back then though, they blamed the problems of teeth on "tooth worms," not cavities. The popular and sometimes only solution for these "worms" throughout history has been extraction and since dentistry wasn't a real profession until the 19th Century (some might say it is still not) people would go to their barber for a quick pull and then maybe a trim around the ears. But thanks to toothpaste many teeth have been saved, but on the other hand the early Romans used human urine in their toothpaste. So maybe when you're in Rome you don't have to do everything that the Romans do, cause some of it is just nasty.

I only bring this up because I went to the dentist yesterday for a cleaning. He noted that my wisdom teeth had fully grown in and surprisingly without problem. That must mean that on the evolutionary scale, I probably fall somewhere closer to the Cro-Magnon man than most my age. I guess I have that big jaw that helped Fred Flintstone eat all those Apotosaurus Burgers. (note: the Brontosaurus is fictitious but then again so is Fred Flinstone.)

While I was laying there in the dentist chair, having my routine cleaning, I realized that this must feel a lot like waterboarding. Not only am I forced into an uncomfortable chair, reclined with mouth wide open, but I have a drill-like supersonic cleaner scraping against my gums spraying water down my throat choking me. And worst of all, I have to look straight into the eyes of the mad man himself while he approaches with the SCRAPER. I'm sure dentists have grown to ignore this fearful look in their patient's eyes, but I guess they would have to when their profession has the highest suicide rate. (This is actually just a myth, all professions are equally worth killing yourself over.)

KISS ME, I'M IRISH

2008-03-17T13:03:00.001-07:00

I always thought of St. Patrick as the Christian version of the Greek's Bacchus, God of wine and intoxication, but instead of laying around drinking wine all day in a toga, St. Patrick had a pint of Guinness and a shot of Jameson in hand, dressed in a green skirt looking for the next pub brawl. Well, like most visions I have of history, I usually come to find out that i'm pretty off the mark, this vision included.

In short, St. Patrick was born in Britain, captured by Irish raiders, taken as a slave to Ireland, escaped, entered the church, became a deacon, then a bishop, to only return to Ireland as a Christian missionary. Interestingly, it is believed that he used the shamrock, aka the 3-leaf clover, to explain the holy trinity. I'm not really sure how the two relate but he must have made an appealling argument because he was a CCM, Christian Converting Machine. St. Patrick was also believed to have banished all snakes from Ireland, that not being too difficult since there were never any there to begin with, but good job nonetheless.

So while you are out there wearing green, drunk, puking in alleyways, and making fun of all those men wearing skirts, just remember St. Patrick's day has nothing to do with any of that. In fact, St. Patrick's color was blue not green, and kilts are Scottish not Irish, you drunkard. FORE SHAME.

WHO WILL WIN???

YOU DECIDE!!!

ET TU, BRUTE?

2008-03-15T10:26:00.000-07:00

Of all the classic literature that I was forced to read in high school I probably enjoyed Charles Dickens the most, but even with his stories I would opt to read the abridged versions. (A man that gets paid by the word usually writes one too many of them.) Shakespeare, on the other hand, I never cared for. There is something in my brain that doesn't allow me to understand a sonnet or a couplet, or even a couple of sonnets, and forget about me ever appreciating the nuances of the iambic pentameter. And if it wasn't for Shakespeare, I probably would never have developed my fear of soothsayers. Gypsies, you know, small hands, smell like cabbage.

In the age Before Christ, Julius Caesar was the leader of the Roman World, created the 365 day calendar and was luvah to Cleopatra, but was he assassinated because he suffered from diarrhea one day?

During Caesar's reign as dictator over the Roman World he was given every title imaginable, from "Father of the Fatherland" to "Dictator for Life," to even "Naughtious Maximus," (but that one usually in private with Cleo). At one particular senate meeting, Caesar was told he was going to be awarded a new honor but did not stand for the news. Some supporters of Caesar say this was due to a sudden attack of diarrhea, some historians say epilepsy, and some say it was because of his ego. Either way, he didn't stand and he didn't approve of the title and as a result the assassination plot was ago.

On March 15, 44 BC, in an attempt to return Rome to a normal Republic, the Senators got together and killed Caesar stabbing him 23 times. (Lost fans take that to mean what you will) Ironically though his death lead to a Roman civil war which ultimately led to the establishment of a permanent autocracy by Caesar's adopted heir, Gaius Octavianus. Oops. As for Brutus…well he later committed suicide.

Before all of this, Ides was just a Roman term to mark the middle of the month, nothing creepy at all about it. But because of Shakespeare's love for foreshadowing and George McFly's tragic alternate 1985 death, the Ides of March will forever be engraved in our minds as a metaphor for impending doom.

MY SODA CANS

2008-03-14T11:26:00.001-07:00

During college, I developed what I now call my "soda cans." You probably would refer to them as lovehandles, spare tires, or even beer bellies but I went with soda cans because of my six to eight can a day habit. Sure my daily intake of Mama Celeste pizzas and grilled cheese didn't help, but it was that caffeine sugary rush that kept me going. Now thanks to Snake I've kicked the habit but I have fallen victim to a bigger, scarier enemy. I deem them "devils with green dresses on." Yes, its the Girl Scouts. Damn you Shelly Long and your break dancing, song singing troop from Beverly Hills.

Juliette "Daisy" Gordon Low probably started the Girls Scouts out as a friendly organization to keep girls off the streets and away from smack in 1912. But within 5 short years they unleashed their wrath onto the good citizens of the world. The first recorded sale of cookies as a fundraiser for their cult-like activities was in 1917 in Muskogee, Oklahoma. It wasn't long until the Girl Scout magazine, The American Girl, suggested all troops should take part in this "fund raising" activity and provided recipes for cookies. This was exactly the kind of ammunition they needed. In 1933, Girl Scouts in Philadelphia organized the first official "Girl Scout Cookie" sale, selling homemade cookies in the windows of local utility companies, probably greasing the palms of any union leader they came across. And finally, in 1936, they sold what little of their soul they had left and began licensing commercial bakers to produce the cookies. Their profits then being divided among three levels in their organization, the national Girl Scouts of the USA (boss), the regional council (captains), and the local troop of girls (foot soldiers).

Sure there are several different poisons to pick from but I always go for the Tagalongs, aka Peanut Butter Patties, aka the Fattenizers. Its a delicious crispy vanilla cookie layered with peanut butter and covered with a chocolate coating. How can one resist? The worst part of all is that they don't sell them often enough. They don't even sell them online. Just like the sadistic group that they are, they let you slip into withdrawal. Let you suffer from the sweats and shakes for a little bit, until they send their mothers out to your office to give you your next fix. By then you're so desperate for them you pay top dollar for a box of 15 cookies. Well played Girl Scouts....well played.

BEHOLD THEIR COOKIE ANTHEM

$3.50 PER GALLON

2008-03-11T19:52:00.000-07:00

I love a good conspiracy theory, from JFK to Roswell. Hell, I even like the Mel Gibson movie about conspiracy theories. Now I'm not sure if this blog constitutes as a conspiracy but while I was reading about our ever increasing gas prices I came to learn a few interesting nuggets. So grab your copy of The Catcher in the Rye and hop aboard Eagle's conspiracy train.

Now a lot of people think we began the war in Iraq to purely control their oil. I don't think this is entirely true. If we wanted to control their oil, why would we go for Iraq. Of all the countries we import oil from Iraq ranks number 8. The top 3 being Canada, Mexico and Venezuela. The runner up prize goes to the house of Saud. So why not go for one of them? Canada has had it coming for a long time with their silly accents, socialized medicine and their not-so-healthy obsession with syrup.

But I've often heard, if you follow the money, you'll find the reason, and here in lies my theory. It was surprising for me to learn that oil is traded between all countries in US Dollars. That means all those countries that are buying oil had to buy US currency first, in turn investing in America. This is great for our economy. Since oil is by far the most important commodity traded internationally, every country has a reserve of US dollars. In fact, the US currency accounts for approximately two thirds of all official exchange reserves, this in turn gives us a strangle hold over all oil trade.

Now, if middle eastern countries began selling their oil in euros or any other currency, countries would start selling their US dollars asap for any price they can get, and thus destroying the US dollar. And in history the only OPEC country to dare to switch and invest in the euro was....you guessed it, Iraq in 2000. No doubt this was a nice go f*ck yourself from Saddam. But it turned out to be a great move looking at the strength of the euro now, and it only cost him his country and his life. Thumbs up!

So maybe, just maybe, Operation Iraqi Freedom is just a way to impose a more dollar friendly government in Iraq and tell the rest of the world "don't even try it." Ironically though, now with this expensive war, we are spending outside of our means, borrowing more money than we should and letting the Federal Reserve print all the money it wants, causing inflation. With the price of the dollar dropping so rapidly who is really gonna want to continue to invest in us, and I wouldn't be surprised if more countries look to stop trading oil in dollars.

Now you might say "Eagle, you're crazy, this is an isolated experience." And you and Billy Joel may be right, I may be crazy. But it might just be a lunatic you're looking for. I find it funny though that the only other country that is talking about not trading in US dollars is Iran and it looks like they are our next target. But it's just a theory right?

"HUNTING HUMANS"

2008-03-10T22:54:00.000-07:00

Last night, I felt like being rebellious so I drove to McDonald's to get dinner. Is it sad to equate rebellion with eating McDonalds? Probably. But I rolled up to the drive thru ordered my #12 (chicken mcnuggets to the layman) and drove home. In my efforts to slowly phase out fast food altogether, this is one of the few items on the menu I surrender myself to, the others being soda, fries and the occasional milkshake.) Soon after the sugar rush of the sweet and sour sauce wore off I started getting that McDonald's nauseous feeling. I think they are actually trying to sneak some "dark meat" back into the nuggets, but lets be honest, how can you really classify chicken lips as either white or dark.

I went online to see if this was true and instead found other disturbing news. There is actually 38 ingredients that make up that one little heavenly nugget, 13 of them being derived from corn, some from other farm products, and others that are completely synthetic. These ingredients come from petroleum refinery or chemical plants. One ingredient, TBHQ is a form of lighter fluid that is either sprayed directly on the nugget or the inside of the box it comes in to "help preserve freshness." Don't worry the FDA is making sure they use just enough to keep from killing us. Maybe it was the TBHQ that drove James Oliver Huberty to kill, but probably not.

So does this make me never want to eat nuggets again? Not really. If a woman finding a rooster head in her happy meal didn't stop me 10 years ago, a chemical I can't even pronounce doesn't have a chance. If I did give up "the nug" it would be because Snake told me to or the fact that after I eat them it feels like I just washed my face in grease. But if I've learned anything from Fievel, its "never say never whatever you do."

CREEPY!

DAYLIGHT $AVING$

2008-03-09T11:41:00.000-07:00

Willy Willet (1856-1915)

We can blame William Willet for taking away an hour of our weekend every year. He "invented" daylight savings time in 1907. I use the term invented loosely because the concept can be dated back to ancient civilizations. Even Ben Franklin was an advocate for it in some form...his theory was that if you just wake up a little earlier, people could economize on candles. You know that "Early to bed, early to rise" nonsense, that was him. Willet's intentions behind DST was to increase opportunity for outdoor leisure time. Other advocates say that it reduces energy use, but this is debatable because recent studies have shown no change in energy use in California, Australia and Japan. Sure you might use less at night but those early birds are turning on every lamp that they can find.

It took Willet 10 years and one world war to get his idea into action. During WWI DST was promoted in England, as a way to alleviate hardships from wartime coal shortages and air raid blackouts. In the US, objections to it came to an end when we entered the World War in 1917, and by 1918 the system was implemented. Sadly that was three short years after William's death.

Farmers have been against DST since its implementation because grain harvesting is best done after dew evaporates, so when field hands arrive and leave earlier in summer their labor is less valuable. But who cares about farmers when more people are out spending MONEY!!! Some people say we should extend DST into November so it is safer on the streets for Halloween trick-or-treaters, but then there would be less time to throw eggs and toilet paper houses. It's a coin toss in my opinion.

My biggest problem with DST is the time the clocks change. We LOSE an hour of our weekend. Sure you can say we gain that hour right back in six months, but that doesn't help me now in March. And in October it changes back at 2 am, I miss out on it completely because of sleep. My proposal is to have the clocks change on Mondays at 1:30 pm. This way if it jumps forward all you're missing out on is an hour of work, not precious sleep. And for those times when the clock turns back, it just increases my lunchtime by an hour. Great news, maybe I'll go spend some money in that extra hour and stimulate this economy. It's a win/win in my opinion.

INTERESTING FACT: Arizona has not observed DST since 1967.

THE LOCAL LEGEND OF WRECKAGE

2008-03-08T21:40:00.001-08:00

TIME: 10 pm
PLACE: Gamestop, JV Mall
EVENT: Wii Smash Bros. Local Tournament
THERE WILL BE ONLY ONE.

I don't consider myself a "gamer." Sure I own a game system or two but when it comes down to it I'm an amateur, a "newb," and in some cases a "n00b." Yes, there is a difference and I've been called both. (Those were my darker days.) But I've grown up. I've gotten married. I have a dog. Never did I think that tonight I would be entering a Smash Bros. competition at the Gamestop in the JV Mall.

Snake and I went to GS this evening to hang out with our friend Smads while he waited for the midnight release of the new smash bros game. Exciting! Smads was also there to enter the Smash Bros. Local Tournament. The place stunk of true gamers. Teenagers doped up on Jolt, with greasy long hair, ratty moustaches and black baggy clothes. You know the type..."cool dudes." And amongst that crowd we stood, the only people in their mid to late twenties. The median age only being balanced out by the parents who had driven their kids to Gamestop.

Before the competition could begin all 32 available player slots had to be filled. Somehow, I don't know how, Smads got me to sign up for the competition. I went as slowly as possible, making sure I was the last person on line maybe missing registration, but as luck would have it I was player #32.

The games soon began. I felt like I was in the movie the Wizard, just without the talent, having never played any of the previous smash bros. The place stunk of BO and flatulence and the temp was an easy 80 degrees. I was nervous but when my number was called I went through the crowd of kids that surrounded the single tv screen in the back of the store and took fate into my own hands. I don't remember much besides randomly pushing buttons and hoping for the best, the moans and the groans from behind me said enough. Within a minute it was over and I had to ask if I had won or not. Surprisingly, I was received with high fives and some congratulations. Apparently the people behind me thought I had won, but sadly I didn't. I got pwned.

Oh well, no surprise. But Smads had a different story to tell. He made it through the first round, the second, the third and into the championship round. The final battle was a mighty one, even going into sudden death but Smads emerged victorious. It was a true underdog story. In the early stages of the game, the crowd was against him but like Rocky winning over the hearts of the Russians, Smads won over these gamers and by the time the dust had cleared they were chanting his name. He was awarded a ticket to the next round of the competition in Newburgh and a golden pewter trophy in the shape of a wrestler that simply read:

SMASH BROS.: THE LOCAL LEGEND OF WRECKAGE.

Bravo Smads. Bravo.

THE ADAMS FAMILY

2008-03-07T12:36:00.000-08:00

No, I'm not talking about Fester, Gomez, Wednesday and the rest. I'm talking about John and his son Johnny Q. That's right the original OGs, the 2nd and 6th president of the United States. Sorry to disappoint. If you haven't already seen it, HBO is doing a huge promotion for their John Adams miniseries. Everywhere I look I'm seeing Paul Giamatti's plumped-up face. Now I'm not sure if it is the Secret at work, but prior to the series announcement, I was reading all I could about the history of the US presidents. Boring right? Nevertheless, I wished there was a movie that could summarize some of the presidents and lo and behold up pops this miniseries. So thank you Rhonda Byrne.

So with the approaching miniseries in mind, I just wanted to point out that it seems history does repeat itself, in some ways. John Adams and John Quincy Adams were actually the first father and son to both be president, not George and George Dubya. Although there is a great deal of contrast between the Bush legacy and the Adams legacy, I just wanted to point out a scary similarity that I have found in my journey of knowledge.

We all know the Florida conspiracy theories, the cursed chads, and Al Gore winning the popular vote and losing the presidency but rewind that close to 200 yrs and you get the election of 1824. John Quincy Adams was actually also the first person to win the presidency after losing the popular vote, this time to Andrew Jackson. Since no candidate had a majority of electoral votes, the election was decided by the House of Representatives. Henry Clay who had the deciding vote, voted in favor of Adams. Adams in turn scratched Clays back by giving him the position of Secretary of State. It is believed that this "corrupt bargain" was decided upon prior to the election. Needless to say, John Q's presidency was plagued by this and he would become one of those lame duck presidents that just couldn't get anything done in office.

In retrospect though, I'm thinking Katherine Harris' back was a lot nicer to scratch.

For all of you true ADDAMS family fans. I don't want you to leave here disappointed, so without further interruption I bring you MC Hammer performing Addams Family Values:

BIRTHDAY BOY, OIL ON PANEL

2008-03-06T08:58:00.001-08:00

I've painted probably about 20-25 oil paintings in my life, and most of them I painted because I had to when I was in college. (Wait…I would say ALL were painted for a grade.) My teachers said I had some talent and should try majoring in the medium, but I didn't think there was much hope for me. Paint was expensive, there was no chance for a job in the future, and no matter what I did I would get crimson paint everywhere, even when I wasn't using it. It was just such a messy headache that I opted for graphic design, branding myself a "sellout" to the art world.

One painting star, in my opinion, did arise from my graduating class though, and everytime I see his work I get inspired to paint. (That doesn't mean I actually get to painting. I haven't touched a brush since college, but the inspiration is still there.) Mat Cerletty paints with a realism that reminds me of Chuck Close and has a pop-culture style that reminds me of Andy Warhol, with very flamboyant sexual undertones. If you get a chance look at his website. He's extremely talented. One of my favorite parts to his work is the flat lifeless but colorful detailed backgrounds contrasting with a realistic central character. Let me know what you think.

Mat Cerletty's Birthday Boy

Visit Mat Cerletty's online portfolio here.

I'd also like to give a shout out to John Currin. He is a modern artist that I happened to find out about walking through the Tate Modern. I love the way he plays with proportions, but keeps a very realistic feel to his work. A modern day Parmigianino.

John Currin's Honeymoon nude

.0000008%

2008-03-05T10:25:00.000-08:00

It was probably because of the elections yesterday that made everybody want to talk politics. I've found that this is always a recipe for disaster, especially if you're at a party or at the office. The debate might start off nice but usually boils down to political party bashing. You know, good ol' fashioned American Mud Slinging. If you find yourself in the minority for that particular conversation, God help you. You better run for shelter because its gonna get messy.

At the naive age of 18, along with my draft card, I was given the choice between a tree-hugging, dope-smoking communist party or a gun-slinging, coorslight-chugging redneck party. (I bet you already know which aligns with which.) What I didn't realize, however, was that when I finally chose a party, I no longer would be judged by my own decisions and opinions as an individual, but I would be judged and criticized for the entire history of other's mistakes. Eagle no longer exists, thank you for shopping with us, please proceed to the nearest generalization. (I've found that name calling and generalizations are usually a lot easier than actually trying to find middle ground to stand on. And hell, who can resist a good zinger.) Here in lies the problem....the two party system.

Now backed into a corner just trying to save face, I find myself sometimes even defending my party on an issue that I don't even agree with. Why is it so hard to concede and say "Yes my political party is not perfect." The debate has transcended to a place as touchy to talk about as religion and race. So what to do? Declare independent and give up your right to the primaries. Nay. I say get rid of the entire party system. Create an election where you can only judge people on their personal beliefs and actions, not on their political parties. Everyone is an individual and should be judged in that way.

So when you go to vote look a little deeper than party lines, some people might surprise you. And if you don't, I'm not too worried, in reality your vote only counts as .0000008%.

SEXY HUMPBACK

2008-03-04T10:47:00.001-08:00

I work at Reader's Digest. Reader's Digest has a bell tower. The bell tower plays chimes. Now whether those chimes are played from a recording on a PA, or by a large music box-like contraption, or by some guy with great musical timing, I don't know. But what I do know is that for the past five years of my employment here, the chimes have played the same 3 songs. I'm not complaining about this because I hardly ever hear them. In fact, no one within 3 cubicles of me in any direction can say when they actually play the songs. I think its around 6 o'clock.

Well the chimes, they are a'changin. (Slogan brought to you by the RD promotions department, I think). This morning at the Town Hall meeting (company meeting) we were told that they are replacing the old songs with some new ones. So Sinatra, McCartney and Lennon are taking a back seat to such greats as Timberlake and Armstrong. How they make SexyBack into a chime, I do not know, but I picture it going something like this:

THE LEAD PALM HOOK

2008-03-04T06:15:00.000-08:00

My 10th grade public speaking teacher (name forgotten) told me a successful essay/speech always begins with a quote. I thought this one was appropriate:

"Empty your mind. Be formless shapeless like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle. You put it into a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can either flow, or it can crash! Be like water, my friend."—Bruce Lee

I've been taking Jeet Kune Do (JEET KOON DOE) for the past several months, with hopes that it would keep that winter weight off and get me ready for the P.A. JKD, for short, was developed by Bruce Lee and is a mixed martial arts fighting method. The literal translation is "Way of the Intercepting Fist"

When I first thought of taking the class I pictured it like a Seinfeld episode turned reality, where I would be fighting a group of 12 year old kids for the top spot in the class. Judging by the students that showed up on my first day I thought I wasn't too far off but I would later find out that JKD is for old people too. (The average age maybe being 3 years younger than myself)

So like water, I became formless and/or shapeless. We have been learning many different kicks, punches and a few special blocks to stop those "hate makers from left field." But last night was the coup de grace. We learned the lead palm hook, that if done correctly will shatter your opponent's ear drum. Apparently, if you cup your hand and smack your opponent in the ear, the pressure from the air in your palm will cause the ear drum to burst. Doug, acting Sifu (teacher) for the night, told us that this has happened in sparring and one should wear appropriate ear protection during class fights. I do not have to worry about sparring until level two but I have made a mental note to get said ear protection.

A simple equation for a successful Lead Palm Hook:
a strong powerline + (cupped hand x amt. of air in cupped hand) + opponent's ear = shattered ear drum

Visit my JKD class

MY CONSTANT CONCERN

2008-03-03T10:44:00.000-08:00

In my mind there is pretty much two ways that time travel can go down. You can either be able to change the future and let Biff pay for Loraine's implants OR just go along for the ride because the future is already predetermined. Sure you might be able to create a few bumps along the way but Dresden will still get bombed and Skynet will still eventually destroy the earth.

I've tried to imagine being able to see in the 4th dimension but I think it would be way too hard to drive or walk anywhere without thinking that you were about to bump into the other million people that crossed that same path. Also, it would be slightly depressing because there would be a super concentrated collection of me's sitting at work or on my couch at home and not enough of them actually doing shit.

For a final thought, I do think that Stephen King's theory in the Langoliers is something to look into. There is no future and there is no past, there is only the present and if you get stuck in anything else you get eaten by pac-man.

RUN Balky!!!

THE EAGLE'S BIRTH

2008-03-02T11:29:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the eagle's blog. Before proceeding, one should always know that the eagle will always emerge victorious against the dove and/or the turkey.

Fourth grade was a great year. Even years usually are.
I can say that with confidence now.

GEORGE FEENEY IN THE CONGRESSIONAL HIZZZ-OUSE